spizzazzz rvws some chart songs part one

shapeshifters - back to basics

i wish things would stop going back to basics! just like "lola's theme" this shit is blighted with weak drums, i don't get who's meant to be impressed with ultra-smooth anti-bjaxx patterns unless they care more about what mj cole thinks than your edgy drum pattern loving wo/man on the street! we didn't cut off mike pickering's head and parade it thru the streets only for this to happen! the m in m people stands for murderation.

phantom planet - california

so i've totally gone off the oc lately coz, well, ahhh so many reasons!

- it's not funny any fucking more! seth's quips all reference a previous seth quip, and everyone else's quips reference a seth quip too! haha yes very meta and everything but so tired!

- marissa's fucking arms, just put them away you weird alcoholic gazelle! it's crazy coz they are probably the thinnest, longest arms on tv but in smallville they have recently allowed fat-armed chloe to show her fat arms (not in reality fat arms, but fat tv arms), so american tv: finally celebrating diversity hurrah.

- plot contrivance taken to the xxxxxxxxtreme, no no no not another girl's night out which leads to another boys night out which leads to another parents dinner, fuck you!

erasure - whatthefuckever

fair or not, i blame rachel stevens for this wackness.

the faders - no sleep tonight

man i love this song, all those different parts and vocal fx and then a flange/phase on the guitar and drums and then that stop start solo, it's like a testament to the awesome power of pro tools. i was gonna pad this out with some lyrics but they're all exquisitely boring, oh well!

jem - they

so easy to be uncharitable when you hear something that's kinda a dour version of another amazing song (sugababes "overload"?) but "they" is pleasant and if you hate pleasantness then you are probably a twat. triangles are still cool.

natalie umbruglia - sorry i don't know what this is called

lil missy will tell you she hates n umbruglia for some arcane reason like she stole the lead singer of silverchair or brad from neighbours away from her but it's actually coz missy wrote "torn" and didn't get no credit. anyway fucking hell i'm completely indifferent to her! i thought this would be the best chart for ages coz of mario, christ i love "let me love u"!

50 cent - candy shop

aight a while ago i had long, impassioned defence of "candy shop" i was gonna post but i sorta forgot it now. i do think it is deep tho, deep like there's all this space the beat creates which normally happens in minimal house type records or something - an exact balance going on between the pitch and the reverb that stops it from sounding slowed down but keeps it low and deep and spacey and real and all those words. amazing clarity of sound plus more of 50's tiny hooks. maybe not on the 02/03 level but still so fucking catchy! "girl what we do / and where we do / the things we do / stays between me and you", ahh so great. still, i hear this song is apparently about sex! oh my poor twatty patronizing ears.

tony christie - is this the way to amarillo

fuck this shit for stopping mario!