mario - let me love u (one drop reggae rmx)

this was on spizzongs for about six months but let me just reiterate: this is the greatest one drop remix ever! it should have two drops, one for each of your disbelieving ears. so wholesome sunday afternoon reading the observer and listening to roots radio, and so sinister when mario drops that jarringly harsh first line ("do you enjoy being hurt?") (it is kinda sinister on the og version anyway.) (mario is so real.)

amerie ft fabolous/juelz santana/gravy/royce the 5'9/peedi crakk - one thing (spizzazzz many men edit)

so there's this song called "one thing", oh christ i'm boring myself already errr this is the exclusive spizz mix with all the guest verses because like the og doesn't need no guest verse but we can't help being curious what peedi done does with the beat! so now you can purify the original but still have some larks. (life probably would have marched on if i never heard the gravy version but it turns out to be my... fourth favourite.) i dunno download this because you love my silky editing.

also if you hear any proper guest verses not featured here (not that jay-z one coz it's off some old song innit??) send em to us so we can add them!

random bizarre destinys child pic found while 'researching' the mini cowboy hat controversy which could tear spizzazzz apart!

brooke! valentine! album! (part one)

- i knew someone at school called brooke, she was a bit of a knob really. the first song on her album is the single "girlfight", i was excited by this coz lil jon is best doing these endless two-chord doomy repetitions, unforgiving and suddenly hitting you in the gut after three hours (my fave is still "damn"), but listening now it's quite a useless song. i hate big boi.

- "taste of dis" is kinda like when just blaze used his newfound industry power to do crunchy hiphouse tracks, the one with rah digga that was terrible but then also that joe budden/busta one which was aight. just blaze is a fucking weirdo! rah digga and joe budden's careers were ruined after those singles! b valentine's hiphouse track is really heavy though, as her website sez: 'valentine delivers the kinetic energy and seduction that listeners will immediately grasp. amid syncopated beats she encourages women to celebrate their sex appeal and tap into their inner diva.'

- the third song has the camp lo "luchini" horn loop, about as novel as choosing to eat food off a plate, everyone samples it these days. i think even jill scott and some drum'n'bass dudes? who will dare sample "black nostaljack"?? but! this is solid r'n'b realness with a whispery floaty breakdown.

- attention fantastic pop brigade: the fourth song is called "blah blah blah". the beat is a proper re-recorded "sweet dreams my la ex" and it features odb! now run along you scamps!

- it also says on her website that 200+ songs were recorded for this album! b valentine: the lost tapes will last forfuckingever! anyway "ghetto superstarz" is another fast song, with the sequenced drum style that you only get on non-thug ladyalbums, they try to be so perfect but they're just too piss-weak vanilla to belong to any actual genre of music! and usually they are fun too. you know, like "get this party started"? actually this song is very much like 02 pink and ends with a long 'in character' monologue, i think it is a satirical thing about how some girls are insecure, particularly in the music industry.

- "i want you dead" is another comedy satirical song. this album is bizarre!

man i love that mini cowboy hat!

why must there be hate??

it's swizz beatz day on spizzazzz

bcoz we found the compilation listed to your left (look over there now) (see?) and it is inevitably amazing. i had forgotten that lox track ("who do you expect") from dj clue backstage, incidentally the best official release dj vanity mixtape i ever heard, someone should make a list in fact! (dj vanity would be a cool name for a reggae dj.)

oh look they didn't even put "banned from tv" on there, lame.

xscape - wassup

look xscape if you are going to sample what, planet rock? debbie deb? for your comeback after a lot of years then why be all coy?? there is a purposeful vinyl-crackle home-listening vibe to this record when it could be a big time smash to drop right after "1, 2 step" and then maybe segue into a boring electro set or an amazing girls singing over 140bpm set where u can play "my boo" and "swing my way"! in fact i kind-of want to know the exact numbers it cost to clear the samples vs. what jazze and/or lil jon are charging for a hot nu electro beat. (or the genius craftsmen in-house slip n slide type people paid to sound like big-name producers.) i don't think it makes econosense.

i suppose xscape must be like 40 now and they remember planet rock from when it came out? ciara probably doesn't even remember xscape! anyway this is still wicked just for being a good bpm, i think at the end of the day i only care about bpms anyway, fuck music.

fat joe - so much more

thematic intro setting up final name-based pun. reference to widely available biographical info leading silkily into expectations for forthcoming album. witty reference to notorious incident in subject's past. alias of subject used in chatty conversational tone suggesting easy familiarity. cursory description of music hingeing on key adjective. tenuously illustrative lyric quote. reference to tropes of subject's chosen genre and subject's adherence/disregard of said tropes. summation of position lightened with reference to unrelated topic. name-based pun.

let's look at ciara

coz she might be a ladyman!

...

(come off it, internet)



ghetto mousy glam-hoodie realness for the album cover, softened with that expensive lipstick and eyeshadow combo, a lil bit unambitious. the hi-class hoodie died a death already with those terry toweling juicy couture versions from 02 but we are feeling the lameness of the paintshop smudged background!



suspiciously nicely distressed tshirt sleeves bely hoodrat status. end of drawstring bow craning downwards like lil jon's claw finger. clawfinger were cool. ciara still shatters glass ceiling with gridiron shoulderpads! (shoulderpads not pictured.)

instantly reminded of:



the day britney invented crunknb.



that's not a dude! anywho, another thing about ciara, the dancehall/dirty pop physicalness - rnb as the most worthwhile athletic pursuit ever. even slowed down to a 70bpm steroid abuse metabolism grind on "oh" the shit is tiring to dance to! she will probably unleash an amazing routine for it as well. perhaps the reason ashanti never did a "1 2 step" type song.



i dunno wtf the idea was here though, she looks terrible!



and this is too twee, you can't even see the tartan wellies!

i've gone off this whole thing now. but here's a bizarre japanese bonus pic.



waaaaaaah, that's a different person!