westwood blogology

you can pretend you're listening live with us here, if you start about one hour into saturday's broadcast!



"big up dj codpiece!"

(haha he means dj greenpeace but westwood has recently become xtra-beligerent in his position as the most famous rap dj in britain so now he hates on all other djs constantly)

"i'm the reason he's on the other station!"

lil missy: westwood is on form tonight!

last night he was shouting about how much he's into fat girls! "even though i'm a skinny thing, i like big girls", westwood said, and then dropped the bomb. damn! this evening westwood is wishing everyone's boo happy valentines day! romantic!

he just played the new 50 cent track. i didn't like it!

e crunk: 50 cent - where i'm from

you think the hooks have dried up? fuck you, hater! lil missy is insane because already tonight we've heard two brand new joints as heavy as anything off get rich or dying. 50's hooks are so good it's like he's saying "the rest of you niggas better get a r'n'b girl on the chorus cuz you can't match my catchy steez!"

50 cent: making top 40 rappers sound like bad brit-hop dudes with run-on choruses since 2002.

lil missy: eminem - bully

eminem's new anti-source song is vicious! he's saying that the only reason the source ever sells any issues is because he's on the cover. i got this month's issue and it was FULL of eminem hate. so i don't get it. and the beat is really weak, too. the weirdest thing about this song is that he sounds haggard and old.

rob them co: "zane's down with us now"

oh yeeeah i just figured out dj greenpeace is doing the all city rap show on xfm right now! zane used to host that show b4 he stepped up y'see. greenpeace fat lace click beef is totally to be encouraged, students waving around their dj yoda tv theme show mix cds are really really testing my gangsta. make it stop!

e crunk: paul rosenberg

westwood has a lot of interesting things to say about rap, like usually he will be the voice of reason in any lame broadsheet article about how rap has "cleaned up its act" (because outkast don't call people fags anymore or something), and sometimes his interview technique is really good - trying to push people into admitting they prefered rap back in the day, and erm, trying to get them to diss ja rule - but faced with eminem's manager, westwood has one burning question:

"paul, what is your all-time favourite eminem song?"

cool! next week: westwood interviews tony yayo's prison guard.

lil missy: inbetween songs

there is a lot of masculine camaraderie . the boys discuss girls who have sex with groups of men, fashion, looking at playboy in the studio and their apartments. bored now!

rob them co: r kelly - wtf

phew enough talk time for nu r kelly! kells looks so good all dressed up james brown style on the cover of the nu xxl worldwide i was never gonna not like this but it's still hotness, sounds totally in line with all the em songs that tim just played b4, all carl weathers training with rocky and being secretly better vibe, and oh here's baby birdman too! this must be off the new best of both worlds thing... i keep thinking r is gonna break out into yodelling 'lion sleeps tonight' and it feels good. no one gives him props for directing donnie darko, that film was aight!

e crunk: nu cypress hill

cancel whatever 'punk funk' song you are downloading right now and get "rock superstar" and "rap superstar" by cypress hill! because you forgot how hot they are! don't get whatever new song this is though - abandoning rap-rock won't win you any favours from spizzazzz, "b" so-called "real"

lil missy: joe budden - my new flashy 80s rnb song

this song is flashy in an 80s way. but not in a bad 80s way, it's more grimey and vice city sounding. it's like old fashioned pop but in a good way! this song is slick and funny and cute. and at the same time, it's totally dirty sounding.

i like it!

lil missy: some r'n'b jam

i like this song very much because of the fiercely strong female vocals. none of that kelis shit here! it's like she's having a total go at you - i wouldn't like to be on the recieving end of her madness!

e crunk: jay-z ft bounty killer - public service anouncement rmx

totally cool and bizarre rmx: just stick bounty killer right in the middle and then carry on like nothing has happened! there was one time when b killer was the only jamaican dude who sounded any good over rap (yo i swear just earlier today i pulled out that "suicide murder" rmx with jeru where bk does his thing over "ice cream" and "danger" and it still kills), it was all mad lion's fault! anyway, it's cute to have him back with a straight dancehall vs new york thing, and this is a durably heavy beat!

lil missy: young gunz - no better love

whenever westwood announces that he's playing a song "for the ladies" you can tell it's going to be a pervy one. this young gunz song is no exception! sorry but if someone said to me they wanted to be my mother and my brother, i'd be, like, ew!!

rob them co: kanye west - thru the wire

ahh man i always file this away in the outtray but every i hear it it's so damn fresh, this is still the definitive kanyekazi 4ever! it's a shame no one can afford to buy the whole of 'i'm still standing' off elton john to stick on the end of this tune like how it is on the 'get well soon' mixtape, it's like naked in the rain skyscreaming worldchampion amazingness.

lil missy: kanye west - all falls down

this song is sleepy and soulful. it's mellow and fruitful and peaceful and i like it very much. kanye also has a sexy and commanding voice and i think that's why it works so well against the chilled vocals. i'm sure i'll get bored of it if i hear a lot of it, so i am taking it in lil doses.

e crunk: some song wot samples that epmd beat ft p diddy

erm sorry about the vagueness! anyway once upon a time spizz was gonna do a goth r'n'b day but like most other things we never got around to it. luckily that doesn't mean goth r'n'b was finished yet! here it is resurrected by some dude (who we will call 'joe r'n'b' [no, not joe]) and it manages to incorporate epmd drums and a puffy verse! the only thing that really makes it goth is some heavy synth washes but if that isn't good enough for you then step off! so would anyone like to tell us what this is?

e crunk: outkast ft sean paul - hey ya rmx

terrible!

some reggae dudes doing a cover of "hey ya" and changing the chorus to "ganja"

terrible but my 14 year old self is like, yeah man! hitting switches

lil missy: a romantic interlude

there is a girl in the studio and when westwood figured out she wasn't with her boyfriend, he said: "we got some loose change in here!" ew! and he keeps saying how beautiful she is and saying happy valentines. westwood sounds totally wasted. he is dishing out a lot of romance advice tonight. he advises all the boys to wear aftershave, and get their girl's gifts and flowers. he's saying that if you give your girl gifts, then she'll pay back in full. westwood is so totally dirty... in a really good way! pharrell please take note!

e crunk: usher/lil jon/ludacris - yeah

take that and rewind it back, lil jon got the beat make ya booty go *clap*
take that and rewind it back, urrsherr got the voice make ya booty go *clap*
take that and rewind it back, ludacris got the flow make ya booty go *clap*
take that and rewind it back, lil jon got the beat make ya booty go *clap*

if you are insane and you don't like this song yet, just keep playing this bit!