mtv awards on sunday! PART ONE

i'm excited cos diddy is presenting, and cos all our fav big stars take it serious SO WE HAD BETTER TAKE IT SERIOUS TOO. it seems the performing line-up is grotesquely unimaginative but lets prvw them anyway

green day

hi guys! still going huh? look i desperately want to reminisce about 14-year-old facelift listening to dookie all the time but i probably did that before! so what have they done for me lately? i liked that one where he's walking a lonely road, BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY ROAD HE'S EVER KNOWN. i feel that! but i heard this other one and they had reverted to that crusty levellers punky-bollox swing beat, christ i hate that. so i am undecided about 05 gd. now how comes only rhythm section rockers age as leathery and rat-faced as this:



fucking hell guy maybe take a year off from them open air festivals??

shakira

remember that summer when we all did the shakira leg stepping over locked arms dance? perhaps the tuffest mainstream dance ever. jamaicanists had to invent signal the plane just so the world had something easy to do in clubs. i flicked through her recent espanish language album a while ago but, apart from that reggaetonish one, i didn't know wtf was going on. it was all live instruments doing things i didn't understand. so frankly, fuck off shakira for making me confront my own conservatism AND GET SOME BEATS. lil missy keeps telling me shakira likes depressing rock music 'in real life', i hate real life! i think she will do something cool at the awards though, like walk around on stilts made of men.

mariah carey

so fucking amazingly kewl that me and jack cable gotta have the same 'which is mariah's best single' discussion every six months, and now suddenly we have to contend with the "we belong together" curveball! jack was calling it her best ever joint till i reminded him of the piano riff in "honey". wbt has serious heartfm legs though, i still ain't even close to bored of it. mariah was on the mtv movie awards a few months back too, mtv knows which side their bread being buttered! the... mariah. shaped. side. they got her to lead this wet ad campaign as well



and yeah she looks insane and kinda cool but somehow the luda version turned out well gross