mtv awards on sunday! PART TWO
aight i got my man jack cable to write part two cos i was knackered out! so listen to what he has to say!
kelly clarkson
having a famous dad can be as much a hinderance as it is helpful, just ask k.osbourne, actually don't. k.c grew up on the set of top gear where she developed a keen passion for glossy driving rock. her father was dead against her pursuing a career in the entertainment industry, he knows all too well the pitfalls and predators a young lady will encounter in the shark pool that is popular music.
kanye clarkson
kanye's fake jaw is made out of stretchy rubber, he can actually pull it up over his brow giving the appearance that he devouring his own face. HE IS NOT. it is just a party trick.
50 cent
50 cents' fake jaw is made out of titanium, a premium, but not uncommon, material for the manufacture of bodily enhancements.
coldplay
i hate coldplay. it's a personal thing, me and chris.m have beef that goes way back....to 2003. i was driving my bus, it was just after the school rush and senor coldplay was loitering around a wintery bus stop at the bottom of the dip. he alighted my step, no need for lowering the ride - he is perfectly able - "single", he commanded. i've met his type before, no manners YOU AINT THE LORD OF MY MANOR SON! i thought to my self. be professional jackers, hold it together, I AINT NEW TO THIS. indie rudie schmucks can't phase me. i punch the button, the ticket is confirmed NO TURNING BACK NOW. he fiddles with the pockets on his fitted denim jacket and pulls out his wallet. he stops and contemplates something far off out of my offside window, my head turns, what could he be looking at? "got change for a twenty?" he interupts my stare. no, no i haven't got change for a twenty pound note. however, i've already administered the ticket........you know the rest. *this may not be true*
the killazzz
look to the left, look to the right. the original grime superband, they are kinda like a lank-haired alien ant farm. the VMA's are saved.
26.8.05
mtv awards on sunday! PART ONE
i'm excited cos diddy is presenting, and cos all our fav big stars take it serious SO WE HAD BETTER TAKE IT SERIOUS TOO. it seems the performing line-up is grotesquely unimaginative but lets prvw them anyway
green day
hi guys! still going huh? look i desperately want to reminisce about 14-year-old facelift listening to dookie all the time but i probably did that before! so what have they done for me lately? i liked that one where he's walking a lonely road, BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY ROAD HE'S EVER KNOWN. i feel that! but i heard this other one and they had reverted to that crusty levellers punky-bollox swing beat, christ i hate that. so i am undecided about 05 gd. now how comes only rhythm section rockers age as leathery and rat-faced as this:
fucking hell guy maybe take a year off from them open air festivals??
shakira
remember that summer when we all did the shakira leg stepping over locked arms dance? perhaps the tuffest mainstream dance ever. jamaicanists had to invent signal the plane just so the world had something easy to do in clubs. i flicked through her recent espanish language album a while ago but, apart from that reggaetonish one, i didn't know wtf was going on. it was all live instruments doing things i didn't understand. so frankly, fuck off shakira for making me confront my own conservatism AND GET SOME BEATS. lil missy keeps telling me shakira likes depressing rock music 'in real life', i hate real life! i think she will do something cool at the awards though, like walk around on stilts made of men.
mariah carey
so fucking amazingly kewl that me and jack cable gotta have the same 'which is mariah's best single' discussion every six months, and now suddenly we have to contend with the "we belong together" curveball! jack was calling it her best ever joint till i reminded him of the piano riff in "honey". wbt has serious heartfm legs though, i still ain't even close to bored of it. mariah was on the mtv movie awards a few months back too, mtv knows which side their bread being buttered! the... mariah. shaped. side. they got her to lead this wet ad campaign as well
and yeah she looks insane and kinda cool but somehow the luda version turned out well gross
i'm excited cos diddy is presenting, and cos all our fav big stars take it serious SO WE HAD BETTER TAKE IT SERIOUS TOO. it seems the performing line-up is grotesquely unimaginative but lets prvw them anyway
green day
hi guys! still going huh? look i desperately want to reminisce about 14-year-old facelift listening to dookie all the time but i probably did that before! so what have they done for me lately? i liked that one where he's walking a lonely road, BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY ROAD HE'S EVER KNOWN. i feel that! but i heard this other one and they had reverted to that crusty levellers punky-bollox swing beat, christ i hate that. so i am undecided about 05 gd. now how comes only rhythm section rockers age as leathery and rat-faced as this:
fucking hell guy maybe take a year off from them open air festivals??
shakira
remember that summer when we all did the shakira leg stepping over locked arms dance? perhaps the tuffest mainstream dance ever. jamaicanists had to invent signal the plane just so the world had something easy to do in clubs. i flicked through her recent espanish language album a while ago but, apart from that reggaetonish one, i didn't know wtf was going on. it was all live instruments doing things i didn't understand. so frankly, fuck off shakira for making me confront my own conservatism AND GET SOME BEATS. lil missy keeps telling me shakira likes depressing rock music 'in real life', i hate real life! i think she will do something cool at the awards though, like walk around on stilts made of men.
mariah carey
so fucking amazingly kewl that me and jack cable gotta have the same 'which is mariah's best single' discussion every six months, and now suddenly we have to contend with the "we belong together" curveball! jack was calling it her best ever joint till i reminded him of the piano riff in "honey". wbt has serious heartfm legs though, i still ain't even close to bored of it. mariah was on the mtv movie awards a few months back too, mtv knows which side their bread being buttered! the... mariah. shaped. side. they got her to lead this wet ad campaign as well
and yeah she looks insane and kinda cool but somehow the luda version turned out well gross
23.8.05
ms dynamite - judgement day
(haha soz those are the most unpleasant screenshots ever)
- ms dynamite busting the traditional 'awwww shit i hate tellin like it is!' body language when we all know the opposite is true!!! sometimes i think the only really real video was that insane destinys child "nasty girl" clip where they put the screwface chokehold on every slag stereotype u can think of, no one has ever had more fun being judgemental!
- address loved ones, haters, gucci bags, whatev, if you got fans and public profile you will always be addressing the tunes you share air and head space with, and dynamite is clearly telling other songs to GROW UP AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY. what a fucking downer. no wonder lethal b's paranoid.
- this is not a terrible song! but i can't be doing with motherfuckers too afraid/self consciously adult to come back with a superclubbanger!
(haha soz those are the most unpleasant screenshots ever)
- ms dynamite busting the traditional 'awwww shit i hate tellin like it is!' body language when we all know the opposite is true!!! sometimes i think the only really real video was that insane destinys child "nasty girl" clip where they put the screwface chokehold on every slag stereotype u can think of, no one has ever had more fun being judgemental!
- address loved ones, haters, gucci bags, whatev, if you got fans and public profile you will always be addressing the tunes you share air and head space with, and dynamite is clearly telling other songs to GROW UP AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY. what a fucking downer. no wonder lethal b's paranoid.
- this is not a terrible song! but i can't be doing with motherfuckers too afraid/self consciously adult to come back with a superclubbanger!
22.8.05
16.8.05
weeeell we ain't heard the damn album yet but there's all these leaked bits and pieces of unforced late summer goodness - ESPECIALLY "here i go again" and its transcendant lovers-reggae orange glow, ooh. it might be the best song i ever heard in my whole life, a future heartfm late night love songs champion.
(last night i had it on heartfm and they had that bit where a listener programs like a half hour of music specially for their loved one and this dude had come up with what i could only describe as the most beautiful half hour there has ever been on radio - frustratingly i have forgotten everything he played! except he began with kci & jojo - "all my life", what an incredible way to blast off! so if that dude happens to be reading, I LOVE U AND UR GIRL TOO.)
anyway RIHANNA'S ALBUM WILL BE VERY GOOD
(how comes teirierry mari is so wack??)
12.8.05
why boybands gotta have short careers? / why my solo single have to flop so hard? etc
so you might have realised before we did: kray twinz of lethal b/twista fame are them dudes that co-produced "mundian to bach ke"! and twista had his own rmx of said song so it all kinda makes sense now. this was still fairly unremarkable news until i peeped their website and saw they did a rmx of jadakiss' 04 annoying conscious anthem "why" with ex-blue dude lee ryan on the asian flava hook! now look, we all know bhangra type dudes got some bad ideas, not to mention some bad team-ups! just look at bobby friction and nihal. but pairing jada and lee turns out to be kinda hot, i'm on fifth listen now! YOU CAN DOWNLOAD IT HERE, COOL.
so you might have realised before we did: kray twinz of lethal b/twista fame are them dudes that co-produced "mundian to bach ke"! and twista had his own rmx of said song so it all kinda makes sense now. this was still fairly unremarkable news until i peeped their website and saw they did a rmx of jadakiss' 04 annoying conscious anthem "why" with ex-blue dude lee ryan on the asian flava hook! now look, we all know bhangra type dudes got some bad ideas, not to mention some bad team-ups! just look at bobby friction and nihal. but pairing jada and lee turns out to be kinda hot, i'm on fifth listen now! YOU CAN DOWNLOAD IT HERE, COOL.
9.8.05
nathan / beverley knight / floetry / sabrina / zagu zarr / yt / estelle - 20/10 riddim
more british riddimization, this time with beverley knight*! jd... was he in so solid?? i might be mixing him up with k.g. or something. christ it's like when i thought for about seven years thee jay-z had produced whoridas' "shot callin and big ballin" so at the climax of nas vs jigga arguments i would drop my PRODUCTION BOMB: 'ah yes, but how many secret digger classics has nas produced?? in your fucking stupid face!' i would wrongly exclaim. well whatever, some industry dude called jd has done this 20/10 riddim for britain's (mostly major label) urban warriorzzz to voice separately, and it is not complete pony. it is fierce 120bpm gut-stomp in fact, in the style of 10 jamaicanist beats released every week.
what it sounds like however was always gonna take a back seat to what the intentions are of this strange project! (to the seven people who are interested in what sabrina of misteeq is gonna do next - i hope they are at least reading this.) the list of names evokes the overly comfy end of brit black music: c4's chancers; touch magazine; hanging out with the dreem teem in pastel-coloured one-step-too-plush recording studios WHERE EVERYONE'S JUST WAITING AND WAITING FOR EST'ELLE TO SPIT HER 16 BARS, GET ON WITH IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! so i can only read 20/10 as a revolt, an attempt to tap a creative urgency that's usually alien to anyone who is chart-hopeful uk urban.
cos right now what is nathan forinstance meant to do?? he gets one hot single which sounded like it was recorded a year earlier anyway. then he is left waiting a long-ass time to either get his album out or get dropped, and his label is saying, motherfucker don't be leaking tracks or no one'll buy your shitty album! so no street tape from nathan, or anyone else non-grimey, and another opportunity to show some hotness (or awfulness for that matter) is missed. the tragedy is we can't even say nathan is wack because who knows apart from perhaps his own mum. as jd's riddim hints at, it could be so much more fun for everyone starting with the listener!
* that og version of b knight's "made it back" (wiv redman!) from like 98 was super-hot!!!
more british riddimization, this time with beverley knight*! jd... was he in so solid?? i might be mixing him up with k.g. or something. christ it's like when i thought for about seven years thee jay-z had produced whoridas' "shot callin and big ballin" so at the climax of nas vs jigga arguments i would drop my PRODUCTION BOMB: 'ah yes, but how many secret digger classics has nas produced?? in your fucking stupid face!' i would wrongly exclaim. well whatever, some industry dude called jd has done this 20/10 riddim for britain's (mostly major label) urban warriorzzz to voice separately, and it is not complete pony. it is fierce 120bpm gut-stomp in fact, in the style of 10 jamaicanist beats released every week.
what it sounds like however was always gonna take a back seat to what the intentions are of this strange project! (to the seven people who are interested in what sabrina of misteeq is gonna do next - i hope they are at least reading this.) the list of names evokes the overly comfy end of brit black music: c4's chancers; touch magazine; hanging out with the dreem teem in pastel-coloured one-step-too-plush recording studios WHERE EVERYONE'S JUST WAITING AND WAITING FOR EST'ELLE TO SPIT HER 16 BARS, GET ON WITH IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! so i can only read 20/10 as a revolt, an attempt to tap a creative urgency that's usually alien to anyone who is chart-hopeful uk urban.
cos right now what is nathan forinstance meant to do?? he gets one hot single which sounded like it was recorded a year earlier anyway. then he is left waiting a long-ass time to either get his album out or get dropped, and his label is saying, motherfucker don't be leaking tracks or no one'll buy your shitty album! so no street tape from nathan, or anyone else non-grimey, and another opportunity to show some hotness (or awfulness for that matter) is missed. the tragedy is we can't even say nathan is wack because who knows apart from perhaps his own mum. as jd's riddim hints at, it could be so much more fun for everyone starting with the listener!
* that og version of b knight's "made it back" (wiv redman!) from like 98 was super-hot!!!
8.8.05
kano ft the streets - nite nite
in these times when only grand sentiment counts (cf last twenty hundred posts) i am feeling the whole performance from er... that dude who isn't m skinner or kano, can someone tell us his name!!! especially sudden wailing climax 'MAYBE WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME' etc when i had no clue a climax was needed. rewarding.
in these times when only grand sentiment counts (cf last twenty hundred posts) i am feeling the whole performance from er... that dude who isn't m skinner or kano, can someone tell us his name!!! especially sudden wailing climax 'MAYBE WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME' etc when i had no clue a climax was needed. rewarding.
5.8.05
what the fuck is lady stush up to these days??
she is on sticky's semi-proper dancehall charleston riddim (one minute clip off 1xtra), with all them same vocal tics from 02. when i hear the shit i sort of want to curl up in a ball and mutter 'ur awful UR AWFUL!!!' but er really good fun anyway innit. so
a) charleston riddim
b) that jason jermaine tune
c) masterminding the twista/lethal b/etc collab
STICKY WHAT ARE YOU UP TO MAN
she is on sticky's semi-proper dancehall charleston riddim (one minute clip off 1xtra), with all them same vocal tics from 02. when i hear the shit i sort of want to curl up in a ball and mutter 'ur awful UR AWFUL!!!' but er really good fun anyway innit. so
a) charleston riddim
b) that jason jermaine tune
c) masterminding the twista/lethal b/etc collab
STICKY WHAT ARE YOU UP TO MAN
3.8.05
sean paul - never gonna be the same
(this year i have endeavoured to respect the gangsta of local seasonal produce, cooking all types of asparagus and nu potato and leek and RAINBOW CHARD based meals in spring, more recently moving on to huge piles of broad beans (oh my days broad bean mash on toast) and chillies and offensively pert salad leaves and these astounding local tomatoes from the organic shop which made me feel lame for all the tuff faraway land motherfuckers i ate during winter!)
sooooo the seasons riddim innit. so pretty and so hooked by raised-eyebrow bass twists and first thought, ah yes, drop leaf pt2 but it's not really at all, sneaky! ok it is - certainly living outside of your common workaday roots sphere by getting big playlist slots and a s paul voicing - but part 2 like the part 2 of "why don't we fall in love" or er "independent women", a different farm of salmon, or at v least a thoughtful rethink of og formula with sensible regard for listener progression rather than how much radio noise can be sapped into its corner.
drop leaf was so amazing as a vehicle for GRAND EDGE-OF-WORLD SENTIMENT. sizzla's 'YES U'VE GOT TO BE STRONG' still killing me eight or nine months later. jah cure reaching his most perfect strained regretful man-note (and he is always going for that note, it's a wonder the warden never hears him). and there is the entirety of tok's "footprints", single of 05, probably sad communal singalong of the decade (MAYBE EVER ?!), i reach for the stupid hyperbole because it just seems silly for all other music to not be as affecting (and very funny, it is worth noting) as footprints is. and the seasons riddim is not trying to repeat that!
it is a more restrained forum for s paul and others to bust a more restrained sentiment, but here i am still getting emotionalist from the way the NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME / MEMORIES STILL REMAIN chorus is multi-tracked so pretty! how fucking cool.
(this year i have endeavoured to respect the gangsta of local seasonal produce, cooking all types of asparagus and nu potato and leek and RAINBOW CHARD based meals in spring, more recently moving on to huge piles of broad beans (oh my days broad bean mash on toast) and chillies and offensively pert salad leaves and these astounding local tomatoes from the organic shop which made me feel lame for all the tuff faraway land motherfuckers i ate during winter!)
sooooo the seasons riddim innit. so pretty and so hooked by raised-eyebrow bass twists and first thought, ah yes, drop leaf pt2 but it's not really at all, sneaky! ok it is - certainly living outside of your common workaday roots sphere by getting big playlist slots and a s paul voicing - but part 2 like the part 2 of "why don't we fall in love" or er "independent women", a different farm of salmon, or at v least a thoughtful rethink of og formula with sensible regard for listener progression rather than how much radio noise can be sapped into its corner.
drop leaf was so amazing as a vehicle for GRAND EDGE-OF-WORLD SENTIMENT. sizzla's 'YES U'VE GOT TO BE STRONG' still killing me eight or nine months later. jah cure reaching his most perfect strained regretful man-note (and he is always going for that note, it's a wonder the warden never hears him). and there is the entirety of tok's "footprints", single of 05, probably sad communal singalong of the decade (MAYBE EVER ?!), i reach for the stupid hyperbole because it just seems silly for all other music to not be as affecting (and very funny, it is worth noting) as footprints is. and the seasons riddim is not trying to repeat that!
it is a more restrained forum for s paul and others to bust a more restrained sentiment, but here i am still getting emotionalist from the way the NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME / MEMORIES STILL REMAIN chorus is multi-tracked so pretty! how fucking cool.
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