brooke! valentine! album! (part one)

- i knew someone at school called brooke, she was a bit of a knob really. the first song on her album is the single "girlfight", i was excited by this coz lil jon is best doing these endless two-chord doomy repetitions, unforgiving and suddenly hitting you in the gut after three hours (my fave is still "damn"), but listening now it's quite a useless song. i hate big boi.

- "taste of dis" is kinda like when just blaze used his newfound industry power to do crunchy hiphouse tracks, the one with rah digga that was terrible but then also that joe budden/busta one which was aight. just blaze is a fucking weirdo! rah digga and joe budden's careers were ruined after those singles! b valentine's hiphouse track is really heavy though, as her website sez: 'valentine delivers the kinetic energy and seduction that listeners will immediately grasp. amid syncopated beats she encourages women to celebrate their sex appeal and tap into their inner diva.'

- the third song has the camp lo "luchini" horn loop, about as novel as choosing to eat food off a plate, everyone samples it these days. i think even jill scott and some drum'n'bass dudes? who will dare sample "black nostaljack"?? but! this is solid r'n'b realness with a whispery floaty breakdown.

- attention fantastic pop brigade: the fourth song is called "blah blah blah". the beat is a proper re-recorded "sweet dreams my la ex" and it features odb! now run along you scamps!

- it also says on her website that 200+ songs were recorded for this album! b valentine: the lost tapes will last forfuckingever! anyway "ghetto superstarz" is another fast song, with the sequenced drum style that you only get on non-thug ladyalbums, they try to be so perfect but they're just too piss-weak vanilla to belong to any actual genre of music! and usually they are fun too. you know, like "get this party started"? actually this song is very much like 02 pink and ends with a long 'in character' monologue, i think it is a satirical thing about how some girls are insecure, particularly in the music industry.

- "i want you dead" is another comedy satirical song. this album is bizarre!