alternate ways beyonce could have launched a solo career instead of that retrofunk austin powers shit (the video is really good though!)

- upbeat 'dirty pop' (and what happened to the dirty pop revolution anyway??), vaguely-electro anthem produced by dance lamer (bt, spiller, timo maas??) who would come up with the goods anyway cuz matthew knowles would be in the studio stomping on all excess breakdown bits and fashioning it into pop gold; would sound like an empowering disco-diva take on jordan knight's "give it to you".

- shocking promo-only (and somewhat out-of-date) brandy + monica dis track, using the beat from "oh boy".

- six minute power ballad-but-not-really featuring heavy use of mutt lange's digital guitar preset and those drums from the first track off the eminem show; unbelievable vocal performance, very long verses, lyrics would use the cunning formula behind all great songs: first verse - indulgent self-pity; second verse - misguided self-belief; third verse - towering self-righteousness!

- bubblegum nu-soul in the style of "got till its gone" or "oops (oh my)"; beyonce wears understated turtleneck jumper in the video and ties her hair back (shocker!); sleazier than its meant to be due to occasional liquid guitar sessiony muso shit; outro erupts into proper spaz-r'n'b like it was 1999 all over again, yeah!

- over-produced kitchen-sink latin stomper; inexplicable spoken-word intro features beyonce claiming she recorded this tune "to set the record straight over all the rumours saying i'm black"; would prove strangely disappointing after several listens.