the worst video of all time
jamelia and her song "something about you" - it's like will young light my fire pt2 but not funny! stop having dinner parties! please!
i was on the fence about the song cos it sounded ok in jack cable's car but see this in a boy's eyes: JAMELIA YOUR CAREER IS AN EXPENSIVE JOKE
28.8.06
kandi on beyonce
'i always have to give respect to beyonce. i love her drive and how she basically is always trying to top herself.'
:-o
the rest is here. (via monicas)
'i always have to give respect to beyonce. i love her drive and how she basically is always trying to top herself.'
:-o
the rest is here. (via monicas)
25.8.06
go listen to "irreplaceable" now
here. cos it's a classic.
(kelly rowland to do entire album which sounds like this in 2009 i hope!)
here. cos it's a classic.
(kelly rowland to do entire album which sounds like this in 2009 i hope!)
how "hips dont lie" won the summer
1) everyone loves shakira
i suppose! lil missy's mum does. the thing about shakira is her differentness is so furiously wholesome there is almost no one in the charts you could call more inclusive. she is happy to play around with genre - often something which can come off as spiky and totally not inclusive at all (cf. n furtado half the time, erm beck?). but her approach isnt to tackle a genre, it is to apply mollifying internal shakiralogic to it; kinda wrapping it up in cotton wool and leaving it on your doorstep with a note saying 'please look after me'. watch the video again and decide you dont love shakira
2) everyone loves making their own mind up in their own time
l allen and n furtado have had big summer hits too, but they have been surrounded by pingponging attention, debate, blather, which, while not necessarily changing people's minds, inevitably tires them the fuck out. shakira is (currently) pitched just right to be invisible to haterism. no one has been forced to form an opinion on "hips dont lie" and no one has been shamed out of itunesing it or buying the cdsingle. it is the one massive summer tune which has been allowed to make its merry way in the world
3) everyone loves wyclef
i'm inclined to believe this one just because i really love wyclef! time's right for him to make a secret mega comeback away from pretend public opinion. come on you want him to succeed too
4) everyone loves reggaeton
although shakira's way with genre means you will likely not even notice it, i think its valid to say this summer was the perfect time for a r-ton drum pattern to be on a massive hit... in the uk. after anyone's bothered enough to say, 'gosh i'm listening to some reggaeton!!!', after any press coverage is done with, (and there wasnt a lot), "hips dont lie" marks r-ton's core element as being perfect for easy assimilation in the wider pop world. perhaps not a terrible surprise 1,000 years after "murder she wrote", but no one else used that kind of beat for ages!
soon, people wont have to be spanish, understand r-ton, become r-ton, or even pay pretend lip service to r-ton to use its spidery synth or drum pattern, because anything that is so so effortlessly danceable demands to be added to the general club/pop armoury for when some producer in some studio decides how best to flip their hook. for better or worse obv
5) everyone loves lord tariq & peter gunz
cos im quick to slide off and slide this dick up in your wife :-x
(oh yeah look who pops up at the start of that vid!)
1) everyone loves shakira
i suppose! lil missy's mum does. the thing about shakira is her differentness is so furiously wholesome there is almost no one in the charts you could call more inclusive. she is happy to play around with genre - often something which can come off as spiky and totally not inclusive at all (cf. n furtado half the time, erm beck?). but her approach isnt to tackle a genre, it is to apply mollifying internal shakiralogic to it; kinda wrapping it up in cotton wool and leaving it on your doorstep with a note saying 'please look after me'. watch the video again and decide you dont love shakira
2) everyone loves making their own mind up in their own time
l allen and n furtado have had big summer hits too, but they have been surrounded by pingponging attention, debate, blather, which, while not necessarily changing people's minds, inevitably tires them the fuck out. shakira is (currently) pitched just right to be invisible to haterism. no one has been forced to form an opinion on "hips dont lie" and no one has been shamed out of itunesing it or buying the cdsingle. it is the one massive summer tune which has been allowed to make its merry way in the world
3) everyone loves wyclef
i'm inclined to believe this one just because i really love wyclef! time's right for him to make a secret mega comeback away from pretend public opinion. come on you want him to succeed too
4) everyone loves reggaeton
although shakira's way with genre means you will likely not even notice it, i think its valid to say this summer was the perfect time for a r-ton drum pattern to be on a massive hit... in the uk. after anyone's bothered enough to say, 'gosh i'm listening to some reggaeton!!!', after any press coverage is done with, (and there wasnt a lot), "hips dont lie" marks r-ton's core element as being perfect for easy assimilation in the wider pop world. perhaps not a terrible surprise 1,000 years after "murder she wrote", but no one else used that kind of beat for ages!
soon, people wont have to be spanish, understand r-ton, become r-ton, or even pay pretend lip service to r-ton to use its spidery synth or drum pattern, because anything that is so so effortlessly danceable demands to be added to the general club/pop armoury for when some producer in some studio decides how best to flip their hook. for better or worse obv
5) everyone loves lord tariq & peter gunz
cos im quick to slide off and slide this dick up in your wife :-x
(oh yeah look who pops up at the start of that vid!)
23.8.06
22.8.06
b-day: is it like sarai?
the internet still regularly hating on beyonceballads + sarai classic "ladies" being perhaps as far as anyone can get from a ballad = here is your handy guide to the leaked clips
green light
irreplaceable
kitty kat
suga mama
upgrade u
freakum dress
get me bodied
(not trying to make a point but "irreplaceable" sounds amazing - 'you must not know bout me / you must not know bout me' holla)
the internet still regularly hating on beyonceballads + sarai classic "ladies" being perhaps as far as anyone can get from a ballad = here is your handy guide to the leaked clips
green light
irreplaceable
kitty kat
suga mama
upgrade u
freakum dress
get me bodied
(not trying to make a point but "irreplaceable" sounds amazing - 'you must not know bout me / you must not know bout me' holla)
radio dance: the new ugg boots?
radio dance refers to dance songs i often hear on the radio!
basement jaxx - hush boy
relatively unassuming, like bjaxx are now free of the weight of communicating some big pop idea. just having fun with good samples and a involving both-sides narrative. what's not to like! that goes especially for vula - her knockers are the most spectacular thing i have seen in a video since mariah's bleeding phone.
chocolate puma - always and forever
first funky house thing on the 1xtra a-list? seems like a big deal. the video - guy works his way through mass of sweatless sophisticlub bodies towards dream lady - looks like a conscious shift away from the nerd fantasy lynx ad tone of most chart dance videos of the last 3 years. turns out selling a delicious upmarket lifestyle with fun pop beats is still preferable to rolling around in your own filth: ukg secretly wins forever.
madonna - get together
'i searched i searched i searched my whole life / to find find find the secret / but all i did was open up my eyes' is a wickedly powerful line. best madonna since... "beautiful stranger"? yes.
rogue traders - voodoo child
still feel like ive wrenched this from a dream sometimes. a circusy aussie dancepop belter where the breakdown is izzy from neighbours saying 'so here it comes the sound of drums / here come the drums here come the drums'? almost too perfect. i wish she would take up singing full time cos her neighbours acting is inexplicably erratic. bloody bigshot! though i did like it when izzy and baby charlie were almost gassed to death in izzy's home by paul's evil son, that was brilliant.
radio dance refers to dance songs i often hear on the radio!
basement jaxx - hush boy
relatively unassuming, like bjaxx are now free of the weight of communicating some big pop idea. just having fun with good samples and a involving both-sides narrative. what's not to like! that goes especially for vula - her knockers are the most spectacular thing i have seen in a video since mariah's bleeding phone.
chocolate puma - always and forever
first funky house thing on the 1xtra a-list? seems like a big deal. the video - guy works his way through mass of sweatless sophisticlub bodies towards dream lady - looks like a conscious shift away from the nerd fantasy lynx ad tone of most chart dance videos of the last 3 years. turns out selling a delicious upmarket lifestyle with fun pop beats is still preferable to rolling around in your own filth: ukg secretly wins forever.
madonna - get together
'i searched i searched i searched my whole life / to find find find the secret / but all i did was open up my eyes' is a wickedly powerful line. best madonna since... "beautiful stranger"? yes.
rogue traders - voodoo child
still feel like ive wrenched this from a dream sometimes. a circusy aussie dancepop belter where the breakdown is izzy from neighbours saying 'so here it comes the sound of drums / here come the drums here come the drums'? almost too perfect. i wish she would take up singing full time cos her neighbours acting is inexplicably erratic. bloody bigshot! though i did like it when izzy and baby charlie were almost gassed to death in izzy's home by paul's evil son, that was brilliant.
18.8.06
lemar - it's not that easy
'was it me? / was it you?'
IT WAS YOU.
'was it all the little things i didnt do'
see, not only has lemar copped a john legend-ish beat (sounds like "number one" slowed down to a plod, is probably based around the theme to "some mothers do ave em") he has also copped legend's persona: god i'm so deliciously aware of the complexity of relationships. it's very trying. good thing i'm too big a man to play the blame game. still, it's a shame she had to get hung up on tiny details since it effectively ended our relationship. we're just ordinary people though. cant be helped. what am i gonna do without your love? probably write a song. and so on forever.
'was it me? / was it you?'
IT WAS YOU.
'was it all the little things i didnt do'
see, not only has lemar copped a john legend-ish beat (sounds like "number one" slowed down to a plod, is probably based around the theme to "some mothers do ave em") he has also copped legend's persona: god i'm so deliciously aware of the complexity of relationships. it's very trying. good thing i'm too big a man to play the blame game. still, it's a shame she had to get hung up on tiny details since it effectively ended our relationship. we're just ordinary people though. cant be helped. what am i gonna do without your love? probably write a song. and so on forever.
14.8.06
track 01s PART ONE
mary mary - believer
these are of course the gospelists behind 2000's "shackles (praise you)", a song which while enduringly good-natured, could only ever be described as OMG SO MIDTEMPO. really in about the last 4 years the art of being avowedly, unstoppably midtempo has almost died out. to live the dream you cannot hint at slower or faster bpms (for instance songs with obvious electro patterns slowed to midtempo = fake midtempo) or make midtempo just one feather in your bpm bow, it is a discipline which requires the absence of other competing disciplines.
this plodding aesthetic was perhaps mostly based on the mid-late 90s producer's programming ineptitude, and on "believer" mary mary show uswhat we have all lost how far we have all come with a spring-coiled doubletime-ish banger in which the duo describe the times they were spared from death by a merciful, gospelly god.
first there is a house fire, eerily predicted by their mum who tells them to go stay at an auntie's house. (um guys perhaps it was your mum who started the fire? i dont mean to cast aspersions but was this ever investigated??) then there is a car accident from which mary/mary emerges unscathed. the whole thing is very intense, and the startling high-voiced singsongy intro is what pushed me into bothering with their self-titled 2005 album in the first place. (the rest of it aint as good.)
mary mary - believer
these are of course the gospelists behind 2000's "shackles (praise you)", a song which while enduringly good-natured, could only ever be described as OMG SO MIDTEMPO. really in about the last 4 years the art of being avowedly, unstoppably midtempo has almost died out. to live the dream you cannot hint at slower or faster bpms (for instance songs with obvious electro patterns slowed to midtempo = fake midtempo) or make midtempo just one feather in your bpm bow, it is a discipline which requires the absence of other competing disciplines.
this plodding aesthetic was perhaps mostly based on the mid-late 90s producer's programming ineptitude, and on "believer" mary mary show us
first there is a house fire, eerily predicted by their mum who tells them to go stay at an auntie's house. (um guys perhaps it was your mum who started the fire? i dont mean to cast aspersions but was this ever investigated??) then there is a car accident from which mary/mary emerges unscathed. the whole thing is very intense, and the startling high-voiced singsongy intro is what pushed me into bothering with their self-titled 2005 album in the first place. (the rest of it aint as good.)
11.8.06
a day in the life of cassie
06 breakout star cassie (pictured above with producer ryan leslie) was kind enough to give us an exclusive glimpse into her daily routine
6:00am - get up, have some toast with my homemade blackberry jam
6:03am - spread jam on the mirror and have a snog
6:15am - ryan bangs on the door. he's been crying again, says he was up all night on myspace flaming mario winans. i tell him his eyes are puffy and he starts ranting about how diddy hates him
9:00am - ryan has been showing me every unread post on his bloglines for the past two hours. he becomes violently upset when someone on ohnotheydidnt says i was discovered by badboy
10:15am - arrive at badboy, we share a giggle as ryan parks in the winans space. ryan hands me his script for another off the cuff youtube diary
12:00pm - have lunch in badboy canteen. loon is putting breadsticks up his nose, they dont call him that for nothing. winans gives me evils and whispers in diddy's ear every time i look over
1:00pm - go outside for a cig, lucky i was there to buzz danity kane in
1:20pm - come back to discover winans confronting ryan over the parking space beef. a passing mjg calms them down with his soothing voice and offer of tickets to see lady in the water
3:00pm - diddy has been playing the second aguilera cd for everyone. in tears of mirth he tells us it was his suggestion to make "candyman" the next single. he insists we take the day off since we've already won but ryan wants to go in the studio and 'see what happens'
6:00pm - ryan has been cursing out crunk&disorderly and wont let me out of the booth so i pre-emptively do some drops for a dj envy tape, i hope he wants them
7:30pm - get a text from pete rock saying he's glad we're both signed to bbe? knew i shouldnt have had dinner with him
8:00pm - winans and ryan hiss at each other again as we leave, he was going on and on about his new single, clutching a dusty reel that said 'unreleased biggie verse' but i could see 'da band' had been crossed out
9:00pm - ryan drops me off. i tell him of course i'll go to his dinner party, i think he believed me
9:45pm - have to use up more jam for dinner so i bake a pie. king magazine calls and i suggest a cassie recipe column, they say theyll get back to me
10:00pm - cheri dennis pops over to watch boston legal
06 breakout star cassie (pictured above with producer ryan leslie) was kind enough to give us an exclusive glimpse into her daily routine
6:00am - get up, have some toast with my homemade blackberry jam
6:03am - spread jam on the mirror and have a snog
6:15am - ryan bangs on the door. he's been crying again, says he was up all night on myspace flaming mario winans. i tell him his eyes are puffy and he starts ranting about how diddy hates him
9:00am - ryan has been showing me every unread post on his bloglines for the past two hours. he becomes violently upset when someone on ohnotheydidnt says i was discovered by badboy
10:15am - arrive at badboy, we share a giggle as ryan parks in the winans space. ryan hands me his script for another off the cuff youtube diary
12:00pm - have lunch in badboy canteen. loon is putting breadsticks up his nose, they dont call him that for nothing. winans gives me evils and whispers in diddy's ear every time i look over
1:00pm - go outside for a cig, lucky i was there to buzz danity kane in
1:20pm - come back to discover winans confronting ryan over the parking space beef. a passing mjg calms them down with his soothing voice and offer of tickets to see lady in the water
3:00pm - diddy has been playing the second aguilera cd for everyone. in tears of mirth he tells us it was his suggestion to make "candyman" the next single. he insists we take the day off since we've already won but ryan wants to go in the studio and 'see what happens'
6:00pm - ryan has been cursing out crunk&disorderly and wont let me out of the booth so i pre-emptively do some drops for a dj envy tape, i hope he wants them
7:30pm - get a text from pete rock saying he's glad we're both signed to bbe? knew i shouldnt have had dinner with him
8:00pm - winans and ryan hiss at each other again as we leave, he was going on and on about his new single, clutching a dusty reel that said 'unreleased biggie verse' but i could see 'da band' had been crossed out
9:00pm - ryan drops me off. i tell him of course i'll go to his dinner party, i think he believed me
9:45pm - have to use up more jam for dinner so i bake a pie. king magazine calls and i suggest a cassie recipe column, they say theyll get back to me
10:00pm - cheri dennis pops over to watch boston legal
7.8.06
rigorously researched post about machel montano
- machel montano and his band xtatik have been the premier soca band in the caribbean for more than a decade and have established themselves as the leading draw at major events in new york city, miami, toronto. london and throughout the caribbean diasporas. just saying
- he is a tnt goodwill ambassador for filter house gods united nations
- he recorded his first album aged ten called too young to soca
- god typing out file names is so boring i can hardly stand it
- he has a hot song out called "dance with you" (check the rmx with mr vegas) built around three awesome 80s synth notes that probly are from some massive hit, in fact they could be from 100 million songs including van halen's "jump" and "la isla bonita", which i happened to see last night on tv's magic: the channel which has been showing this really idiosyncratic and personal 'embarrassing pop vids' type list show that jack cable speculated was put together by paul morley or someone like that, it was really good
- so as i was saying, "dance with you" is like this year's token k lyttle soca fun pick, dont bother with anything else as its all a load of bollox
- machel montano and his band xtatik have been the premier soca band in the caribbean for more than a decade and have established themselves as the leading draw at major events in new york city, miami, toronto. london and throughout the caribbean diasporas. just saying
- he is a tnt goodwill ambassador for filter house gods united nations
- he recorded his first album aged ten called too young to soca
- god typing out file names is so boring i can hardly stand it
- he has a hot song out called "dance with you" (check the rmx with mr vegas) built around three awesome 80s synth notes that probly are from some massive hit, in fact they could be from 100 million songs including van halen's "jump" and "la isla bonita", which i happened to see last night on tv's magic: the channel which has been showing this really idiosyncratic and personal 'embarrassing pop vids' type list show that jack cable speculated was put together by paul morley or someone like that, it was really good
- so as i was saying, "dance with you" is like this year's token k lyttle soca fun pick, dont bother with anything else as its all a load of bollox
