the top ten
pet shop boys - miracles
i've barely heard any pet shop boys but you know when people are talking about girls aloud or something and they're like, "oh it's just a great pop single! how i delight in the arcane magic of the three minute pop song! pop pop pop!", they are always secretly holding all other songs up to these fucking dudes! and abba! fuck that!
crooklyn clan ft fatman scoop, faith evans, julia stiles, black sheep & e crunk - be faithful
actually 4real it's about time black sheep got to be on a number one! scoop appeared on zane the other week and did his thing over like, the white stripes and some other indie motherfuckers. let me tell you, no one came out of that shit well! least of all me for listening to it.
outkast - hey ya
hiphop connection is not a magazine i am likely to agree with, mainly because everyone who writes for it is completely insane. the center pages have a hiphop honey/game girl on one side and then like, shortee blitz's top ten current faves on the other! ahh i've gone blind! however, sometimes it is very funny, and their "hey ya" rvw was spot-on: essentialy, this song is ok as a little mp3 curio or if you want to actually sit through that interminable andre 3000 album, but as a radio/video blitz ("oh what a fantastic pop single!") it is the most annoying shit anyone has ever heard.
kevin lyttle - turn me on
steady eyes! in the video it is kind of like k lyttle is an old portrait who's eyes have been cut out and someone else is watching you through the holes. his gaze followed me all the way to hmv! to buy this record! because it's good!
britney ft madonna - me against the music
my three favourite songs off the britney album:
1) the fast one where she raps the verses and then hits us off with an incredible drivetime chorus! ahh the rush is killing me! i think this might be the best song ever.
2) the one which could be no doubt! it made me kind-of sad that real reggae has replaced fake reggae in the charts. where is the fake reggae meant to go?? thanks a fucking bunch, s paul!
3) the one that features the ying yang twins and is called "(i got that) boom boom"! (being only the third best song on the album when it features the ying yang twins and is called "(i got that) boom boom" means it is a terrible failure anyway but nevermind!)
lemar - 50/50
the beat is a bit like "can't knock the hustle" by jay-z! but hey look, lemar's name is almost lamer! cool! anyway "can't knock the hustle" sucked as well, like jay wins over the streets with that "dead presidents/ain't no nigga" 12 but then follows it with an awkward mary j chorus type song!? (look at the parallels! lamer won us over with that song about dancing... possibly dancing in the streets while hustling) you would have thought if you can't get a collab with mary j right then you might as well give up! but jay didn't give up, he made 60 million more albums. maybe it will work out the same for lamer.
busted - crashed the wedding
everyone says the video for this is heavy, but... ok look it really is! the song is good too but i dunno what to say about busted anymore, i feel like i have been writing about them every week for longer than i can remember, even though i haven't actually mentioned them for months. people need to take a bit longer between albums so i can think up some new shit! it is kind of disturbing that they are like the only representatives of punk pop left in the charts, i heard that new blink 182 song the other day and it was ugly!
alex parks - maybe that's what it takes
jesus christ, stop singing like that!
girls aloud - jump
fantastic pop! so energetic and brash! god i wish beyonce wouldn't do ballads!
(it sucks!)
just pretend nothing is at number one this week.
8.11.03
jay-z - 99 problems
it's been a good year for rappers rediscovering proper old-school d.i.y. stiffness instead of some fake re-imagining with big "this is meant to be old school, do you understand?!" samples. "can't stop wont stop" and "when you hear that" off state property 2 bring the drum machine heaviness, but "99 problems", like "fix up look sharp" and "put it in the air", channels the original rock rap rampage style. there are rules it must abide: 1) use - if not "the big beat" itself - a big beat 2) rhyme in a kind of 03 skooly dmc lazy wisecrack style that's totally different from any other song you do 3) if you have to ruin this perfect marriage of guitarless rock and rap with actual guitars, make them sound like big helicopters!
"99 problems" sticks to the rules, which obviously makes it the best song on the black album. at the same time, if jay wants to drop stuff like this, it seems like it really should be his last album. (see also: how he wants to rhyme like talib kweli! step away from the mic dude!)
it's been a good year for rappers rediscovering proper old-school d.i.y. stiffness instead of some fake re-imagining with big "this is meant to be old school, do you understand?!" samples. "can't stop wont stop" and "when you hear that" off state property 2 bring the drum machine heaviness, but "99 problems", like "fix up look sharp" and "put it in the air", channels the original rock rap rampage style. there are rules it must abide: 1) use - if not "the big beat" itself - a big beat 2) rhyme in a kind of 03 skooly dmc lazy wisecrack style that's totally different from any other song you do 3) if you have to ruin this perfect marriage of guitarless rock and rap with actual guitars, make them sound like big helicopters!
"99 problems" sticks to the rules, which obviously makes it the best song on the black album. at the same time, if jay wants to drop stuff like this, it seems like it really should be his last album. (see also: how he wants to rhyme like talib kweli! step away from the mic dude!)
7.11.03
hillary duff - so yesterday
i missed the lizzie mcguire movie but lil missy tells me miranda is barely in it at all so fuck that rip-off shit! it was weird when miranda turned up in buffee as a [censored cuz missy hasn't seen it]. this song is aight - it's likable and it's sung by lizzie mcguire, but it is probably on spizzongs as an illustration of how little non-rap good stuff is on the radio. that pink punk shit is ok but jesus christ, just look at these songs on the radio one a list:
starsailor - born again??
the thrills - don't steal our sun??
angel city - love me right??
stereophonics - since i told you it's over??
none of these are as awful as "pass that dutch", but still, pull your socks up people-who-can't-rhyme! kylie doesn't count because she is about as rap as it gets.
i missed the lizzie mcguire movie but lil missy tells me miranda is barely in it at all so fuck that rip-off shit! it was weird when miranda turned up in buffee as a [censored cuz missy hasn't seen it]. this song is aight - it's likable and it's sung by lizzie mcguire, but it is probably on spizzongs as an illustration of how little non-rap good stuff is on the radio. that pink punk shit is ok but jesus christ, just look at these songs on the radio one a list:
starsailor - born again??
the thrills - don't steal our sun??
angel city - love me right??
stereophonics - since i told you it's over??
none of these are as awful as "pass that dutch", but still, pull your socks up people-who-can't-rhyme! kylie doesn't count because she is about as rap as it gets.
twista ft kanye west & jamie foxx - slow jamz
this is a funny record, i think that's the most important thing. i mean twista's flow is completely ridiculous even when you get used to him because dude will sound the same over any beat on any subject! kanye's sing song style is sweet and pretty funny too, like the sample is the pet he's had since age four and he wants to show everyone how much he loves it. (also he gets the funniest/best/corniest line the indie dude who lives downstairs will quote to you: "she got a light skinned friend look like michael jackson/got a dark skinned friend look like michael jackson") the drums are maybe the greatest thing of all - the flurry of hi hats and toms at the end of the loop is beautiful! kanye is all about lightness of touch. the chorus isn't that hot but who cares. choruses suck anyway, except for the one on "flip reverse".
if you haven't heard "slow jamz" then wait until you hate every other song ever, because this is warm and funny enough to sustain you for weeks!
this is a funny record, i think that's the most important thing. i mean twista's flow is completely ridiculous even when you get used to him because dude will sound the same over any beat on any subject! kanye's sing song style is sweet and pretty funny too, like the sample is the pet he's had since age four and he wants to show everyone how much he loves it. (also he gets the funniest/best/corniest line the indie dude who lives downstairs will quote to you: "she got a light skinned friend look like michael jackson/got a dark skinned friend look like michael jackson") the drums are maybe the greatest thing of all - the flurry of hi hats and toms at the end of the loop is beautiful! kanye is all about lightness of touch. the chorus isn't that hot but who cares. choruses suck anyway, except for the one on "flip reverse".
if you haven't heard "slow jamz" then wait until you hate every other song ever, because this is warm and funny enough to sustain you for weeks!