five new joints for the hottest week ever
drag-on - fireman
"i don't really wanna hurt nobody... i just wanna live my life" most of the drag-on album is this year's trina-style 'what can i get away with rhyming over' mental pop experiment, except it's way more awkward than diamond princess. there's an incredibly endearing wrongness that makes it special. "fireman" is clunky like some really old mobile, but it is sunny disco bounce with a probably super-famous sample that i can't place and therefore brilliant. at the end it breaks down to just the bassline and drag-on repeating "i'm your fire maaan". what the fuck!
jae millz - no no no
i know this one! it's dawn penn! yeah it's the classic "no no no" beat dipset-ized (if only this actually was a dipset song!) for 03 with dawn at the end of every eight bars. jae millz is some nyc freestyle champ who is probably too earnest for a beat this nice. there's also a ghostface version where he just rhymes straight over the original. it will be the hottest beat of september when everyone will do a version! ironically this song will sound terrible by then.
roscoe - smooth sailin
toffee brown is totally right, this is the record which had to be made (to save west coast rap). it is so good that dj rectangle could base an entire mixtape around it. maybe he will!
mary j blige - ooh
sometimes i like it when i think some song has a really nice bridge but it turns out to be the chorus! because bridges are great and choruses would do better to learn from them. mary's new sound is thankfully pretty much like her early nineties sound. she can actually convince me it might be worth aspiring to old soul records instead of it being an exercise in awfulness. also, just like mary, spizzazzz is not immune to going all roy ayers herbish in hot weather!
teedra moses ft jadakiss - you'll never find (a better woman)
when you hear this you kind of have to accept that "why don't we fall in love" deserves to be remade over and over again, because it invites the same glittery fur-coat adjectives. it opens with pretty strings and the most tentative kick drum scratch sample ever, surely a metaphor for the uncertainty in teedra's heart! (there should be a list of great kick drum scratch samples, it is my favourite r'n'b allusion to real hiphop!) then there's this amazing super-opulent fake guitar sound in the chorus that probably makes it even better than the amerie tune. in fact, maybe for pure painful twisted stomach realness it is closest to monica's "so gone" - i'm not sure how much i enjoy either song but they are both brutally effective.
7.8.03
3.8.03
robbie williams - some shit
my sister claimed today that take that are getting back together, can anyone confirm this?! this song is just the worst thing ever, there is no stupid food analogy to make because no food could taste so bad. fuck r williams except for "rock dj" which is kind of hot! (and the entire take that canon.)
my sister claimed today that take that are getting back together, can anyone confirm this?! this song is just the worst thing ever, there is no stupid food analogy to make because no food could taste so bad. fuck r williams except for "rock dj" which is kind of hot! (and the entire take that canon.)
beyonce - crazy in love
my friend magda loves beyonce. we went out for vietnamese on friday night and she showed me all the photos from her trip to mexico. i love mexican food, i think because i really like capsicum. one of the more unusual things magda ate in mexico (apart from traditional mexican cuisine) was avocado icecream. she will kill me if i write what happened after she ate it but believe me, it was gross. magda is crazy in love with a mexican. the vietnamese food was great too! we ate enough for 4 people, the woman at the till was shocked. afterwards we still ran into a nearby bottle shop and bought kitkats. we are total pigs! i bet beyonce loves her food too.
my friend magda loves beyonce. we went out for vietnamese on friday night and she showed me all the photos from her trip to mexico. i love mexican food, i think because i really like capsicum. one of the more unusual things magda ate in mexico (apart from traditional mexican cuisine) was avocado icecream. she will kill me if i write what happened after she ate it but believe me, it was gross. magda is crazy in love with a mexican. the vietnamese food was great too! we ate enough for 4 people, the woman at the till was shocked. afterwards we still ran into a nearby bottle shop and bought kitkats. we are total pigs! i bet beyonce loves her food too.
craig david - spanish
e crunk's special pasta recipe calls for spanish smoked paprika along with tuna and anchovies and a few other things. it sounds intensely spiced and salted and loaded with flavour. this song isn't any of those things but it has just as precarious a link to spain as e crunk's recipe. however craig does sound relaxed and the song effortlessly thrown together, just as i imagine e crunk expertly throwing his ingredients around in the pan.
e crunk admits: i may have stolen this recipe from tony and georgio
e crunk's special pasta recipe calls for spanish smoked paprika along with tuna and anchovies and a few other things. it sounds intensely spiced and salted and loaded with flavour. this song isn't any of those things but it has just as precarious a link to spain as e crunk's recipe. however craig does sound relaxed and the song effortlessly thrown together, just as i imagine e crunk expertly throwing his ingredients around in the pan.
e crunk admits: i may have stolen this recipe from tony and georgio
evanescence - bring me to life
evanescence are cool but wtf is with that mc dude not actually being in the band! he rescues evan (this may or may not be her name) from floating down a goth housing estate but that's not enough to get an invitation to join the band?? i mean the back and forth between the two of them is everything that's good about the song, i bet all other evanescence songs are terrible! i like the anonymous dudes in nu metal bands, they are normally big and burly. i bet they go to nandos like these rugby dudes we saw in there and drink insane amounts of fizzy pop.
evanescence are cool but wtf is with that mc dude not actually being in the band! he rescues evan (this may or may not be her name) from floating down a goth housing estate but that's not enough to get an invitation to join the band?? i mean the back and forth between the two of them is everything that's good about the song, i bet all other evanescence songs are terrible! i like the anonymous dudes in nu metal bands, they are normally big and burly. i bet they go to nandos like these rugby dudes we saw in there and drink insane amounts of fizzy pop.
stereophonics - maybe tomorrow
so this weekend i have eaten a lot of food. especially at the aforementioned 21st where we all went a bit crazy at the cake table and had at least 2 different kinds of cake each (there was a large and delicious selection!) afterwards we could hardly move. i felt very drowsy and the party was boring, and yet we couldnt get up and leave, we were all weighed down by pastry. this song makes me think of that post cake hour where we were exhausted and a bit sad but didn't do anything about it. if it was one of the cakes it would have been the plain chocolate cake with icing sugar dusted over the top, which was kind of stodgy.
so this weekend i have eaten a lot of food. especially at the aforementioned 21st where we all went a bit crazy at the cake table and had at least 2 different kinds of cake each (there was a large and delicious selection!) afterwards we could hardly move. i felt very drowsy and the party was boring, and yet we couldnt get up and leave, we were all weighed down by pastry. this song makes me think of that post cake hour where we were exhausted and a bit sad but didn't do anything about it. if it was one of the cakes it would have been the plain chocolate cake with icing sugar dusted over the top, which was kind of stodgy.
deepest blue - deepest blue
it is impossible to really fuck with a "holiday"/"music sounds better with you" type bassline, it's like how salads always taste better when you're outdoors (salad tastes better with you!) and you've got fresh-ass lettuce with broad beans and ricotta (yeah that's right, ricotta that comes in a pouch! not some shitty tub) or something, but this could be the worst vocal ever to be placed over a bassline like this. really, who is this narc??
it is impossible to really fuck with a "holiday"/"music sounds better with you" type bassline, it's like how salads always taste better when you're outdoors (salad tastes better with you!) and you've got fresh-ass lettuce with broad beans and ricotta (yeah that's right, ricotta that comes in a pouch! not some shitty tub) or something, but this could be the worst vocal ever to be placed over a bassline like this. really, who is this narc??
fast food rockers - fast food song
last night i was at a really tedious 21st birthday party with a house dj. there was lots of home made food there including a suspicious looking bright yellow dip. we smelled it and it was almost completely odourless. meanwhile the beat was going on and on. later on an empty beer mug ended up catapulted into the untouched dip. you would think fast food rockers would be the opposite of homely unidentified dip but this song is just like that yellow mess and while i listen to it i am the beer mug.
last night i was at a really tedious 21st birthday party with a house dj. there was lots of home made food there including a suspicious looking bright yellow dip. we smelled it and it was almost completely odourless. meanwhile the beat was going on and on. later on an empty beer mug ended up catapulted into the untouched dip. you would think fast food rockers would be the opposite of homely unidentified dip but this song is just like that yellow mess and while i listen to it i am the beer mug.
the uk top 15
pink - feel good time
this is still very very good and silly, like if you were on a bruschetta tip and you put some weird stuff on there like smoked mackerel with aubergene. but then along comes the breakdown, and you're like wha? why is this happening? this is proof that w orbit will never be real dance! recently lil missy has got me into "if it makes you happy" by s crow - it is on a similar completely useless go-nowhere breakdown but strangely forgivable tip.
pink - feel good time
this is still very very good and silly, like if you were on a bruschetta tip and you put some weird stuff on there like smoked mackerel with aubergene. but then along comes the breakdown, and you're like wha? why is this happening? this is proof that w orbit will never be real dance! recently lil missy has got me into "if it makes you happy" by s crow - it is on a similar completely useless go-nowhere breakdown but strangely forgivable tip.
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