21.4.07
27.11.06
replaceable
replaceable
yes. we at spizzazzz have finally had efuckingnough of "irreplaceable". jack cable can stop talking about how he finds the rogue 'e' annoying when we see it on tv. rob them co can start hating stargate again. lil missy can go back to her le tigre cds. i can still not listen to any music. holla!
yes. we at spizzazzz have finally had efuckingnough of "irreplaceable". jack cable can stop talking about how he finds the rogue 'e' annoying when we see it on tv. rob them co can start hating stargate again. lil missy can go back to her le tigre cds. i can still not listen to any music. holla!
13.11.06
booty luv - boogie 2nite (seamus haji rmx)
look. tweet's song "boogie 2nite" - ever popular with german dudes willing to press 500 copies of their fav r&b memories - has been hed kandi'd. and its really good! the og was good too but this is better. where the fuck is tweet??
'she was seen recently leaving a recording studio with timbaland and rozonda "chilli" thomas of tlc which could quite possibly be resulting in collaboration between chilli and tweet over a timbaland beat, either for chilli's debut solo album or tweet's next installment.'
here is the best msg board ever discussing the bootyluv version.
(quiet round ere innit)
look. tweet's song "boogie 2nite" - ever popular with german dudes willing to press 500 copies of their fav r&b memories - has been hed kandi'd. and its really good! the og was good too but this is better. where the fuck is tweet??
'she was seen recently leaving a recording studio with timbaland and rozonda "chilli" thomas of tlc which could quite possibly be resulting in collaboration between chilli and tweet over a timbaland beat, either for chilli's debut solo album or tweet's next installment.'
here is the best msg board ever discussing the bootyluv version.
(quiet round ere innit)
28.10.06
x factor live
x factor live blogology with facelift, lil missy and tony bennett
bloody hell it's big band night with the labour party's old-left firebrand tony bennett tutoring the factists in how to hold a glass of whisky! tute on, tony!
ray - aint that a kick in the balls
ray looks like he has come into his element, having been a creepy winebar weirdo with the face of a five year old from the beginning. i can't stand him!
dionne - for once in my life
last week simon said she ought to practice her performances in the mirror AND I AM INCLINED TO AGREE, she does this weird angry swaying from one foot to the other which surely must be the dance step of someone who weighs about fifty stone! and dionne doesn't! (her arms are quite manly though.) her voice is okay however, and tonight she is wearing a massive white orchard on the side of her head and looks very good!
lil missy says: cute flower in her hair! she looks really cute, which is weird because she was a 'proper minger' (welsh accent) during the auditions. louie is such a knob, all he ever does is dish out praise. the rows between the judges are getting more and more scripted and lame. i hate how the audience is always anti-simon, when sharon is such a knob. i know that's mean but she's pissing me off for real now with her chipmunk voice! sorry, last night we went out and i ended up getting very pissed, so right now i am in my undies feeling very sick
nikitta - sway
as she says, 'the comments i got don't hurt me as they are just people's opinion'. i had to google this song and the top versh was michael buble! i would like to point out that i love his heartfm anthem "let me go hoooooooome!!!". why can't motherfuckers just let him go home??? anyway nikitta: i'd hit it. she looks and sounds a bit like charlotte church but less black.
lil missy: fucking hell, she has dropped so much weight! she's getting skinnier by the week! cute dress. she's mad out of tune though. maybe she'll stay in the show since her mum died and that's the only thing i know about her. wow, i'm such a bitch when i;m hungover!! ha ha i thought that random man dancing with her was cowell! sharon says 'i've got bras older than you at home' - gross! there's a mental image i don't need, sharon!!
ben - smile
me and lil missy were talking about x factor this week and decided there should be an r kelly theme ep, so this gruff joe cocker big balled long haired muso could go 'MY MIND'S TELLING ME NOOOOOO!!! BUT MY BODY! MY BODY'S TELLING ME YEEEESS!!!' i don't know this song but he just went, 'YOU MUST KEEP ON TRYING!!!' over a single lonely piano note. very disturbing. simon has a soft spot for twatty old rocker men - he's on ben's dick like he was on journey south's dick last year.
lil missy says: oh my god, this is horrible. what a dreadful song! they play this at starbucks and it makes me horribly angry. my camera broke AGAIN. maybe i should just get this till xmas?
the macdonald bros - cant take my thighs off of u
tiny-faced prats bumbling around in the dark: ooh lets wear kilts. lets drop a guitar solo. lets kill ourselves! twinkling eyes will probably get them through forever, but the lesson from sam and mark is that people tire of cutesy diddymen very quickly cos they cannot be taken serious! i'm not sure they can be described as real humans SORRY GUYS. if i was a cutesy diddyman i would scowl at everyone all day long in case they thought i was anything but a murdering fuck!
lil missy: this is what i have to say about the mcdonalds brothers: GAY. they actually turned my stomach!
leona - summertime
i'd hit it. i like her gawky early-mariah movements, they are very endearing. her voice is technically good but not sure it is likeable! but i'd hit it! simon just 'snogged' sharon, so she 'snogged' him back. it was quite fake.
lil missy: this is such a lovely song and she has such a good voice! her hair looks awesome, too. two very enthusiastic thumbs up. simon and sharon are grotesque. my tv is behind me, i can't see owt.
kerry - fuck knows
horrid voice. annoying ratty face. what's to like! kate thornton doesnt even lift her over her shoulder at the end of her performance and struggle to carry her across the auditorium, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF ANYTHING. oh but kate did pointedly just go, 'are you okay??' no kate, she's not okay, she can't bloody walk!
ashley - fuck knows pt2
ooh big haired ash fluffed his words! i think he could do something hot if he was given a vaguely new song to work with. can anyone tell me if there are plans to perform MODERN SONGS WHICH PEOPLE ACTUALLY KNOW in this series? i miss things like shayne doing "cry me a river". lil missy has buggered off now and i'm on autopilot!
robert - mr bojangles
frankly robert is a complete pussy. last week he went mental doing "try a lil tenderness" but after simon called him 'desperate' OUCH he toned it waaaay down when he had to perform it again. i hate that shit! did mop tell us to stick to our gunz for nothing??? he can sing though, is that good??
lil missy: ha ha when sharon said 'you're going to see another side of robert tonight', there was a silence and then someone in the audience sniggered. do you remember when gareth gates did this song? he ruined it forever for me. it was really bad. i mean, the song kind of sucks anyway. oh yeah and robbie fucked it up, too! his wife was on itv2 the other day with their kids... they're really in love! therefore i hate them both
eton rd - mack the knife
they are probably already one of the greatest boy bands ever: three scouse anyones and a brian molko androgyne who stands a short distance away from the other three to emphasize that he is the weird different one! AMAZING IDEA. however i paid no attention to what they just did sorry.
lil missy: the brett anderson one has de-emoed his hair! i can see his forehead! they are all very cute and i hope they win and get famous and play at brighton pier next year!
bloody hell it's big band night with the labour party's old-left firebrand tony bennett tutoring the factists in how to hold a glass of whisky! tute on, tony!
ray - aint that a kick in the balls
ray looks like he has come into his element, having been a creepy winebar weirdo with the face of a five year old from the beginning. i can't stand him!
dionne - for once in my life
last week simon said she ought to practice her performances in the mirror AND I AM INCLINED TO AGREE, she does this weird angry swaying from one foot to the other which surely must be the dance step of someone who weighs about fifty stone! and dionne doesn't! (her arms are quite manly though.) her voice is okay however, and tonight she is wearing a massive white orchard on the side of her head and looks very good!
lil missy says: cute flower in her hair! she looks really cute, which is weird because she was a 'proper minger' (welsh accent) during the auditions. louie is such a knob, all he ever does is dish out praise. the rows between the judges are getting more and more scripted and lame. i hate how the audience is always anti-simon, when sharon is such a knob. i know that's mean but she's pissing me off for real now with her chipmunk voice! sorry, last night we went out and i ended up getting very pissed, so right now i am in my undies feeling very sick
nikitta - sway
as she says, 'the comments i got don't hurt me as they are just people's opinion'. i had to google this song and the top versh was michael buble! i would like to point out that i love his heartfm anthem "let me go hoooooooome!!!". why can't motherfuckers just let him go home??? anyway nikitta: i'd hit it. she looks and sounds a bit like charlotte church but less black.
lil missy: fucking hell, she has dropped so much weight! she's getting skinnier by the week! cute dress. she's mad out of tune though. maybe she'll stay in the show since her mum died and that's the only thing i know about her. wow, i'm such a bitch when i;m hungover!! ha ha i thought that random man dancing with her was cowell! sharon says 'i've got bras older than you at home' - gross! there's a mental image i don't need, sharon!!
ben - smile
me and lil missy were talking about x factor this week and decided there should be an r kelly theme ep, so this gruff joe cocker big balled long haired muso could go 'MY MIND'S TELLING ME NOOOOOO!!! BUT MY BODY! MY BODY'S TELLING ME YEEEESS!!!' i don't know this song but he just went, 'YOU MUST KEEP ON TRYING!!!' over a single lonely piano note. very disturbing. simon has a soft spot for twatty old rocker men - he's on ben's dick like he was on journey south's dick last year.
lil missy says: oh my god, this is horrible. what a dreadful song! they play this at starbucks and it makes me horribly angry. my camera broke AGAIN. maybe i should just get this till xmas?
the macdonald bros - cant take my thighs off of u
tiny-faced prats bumbling around in the dark: ooh lets wear kilts. lets drop a guitar solo. lets kill ourselves! twinkling eyes will probably get them through forever, but the lesson from sam and mark is that people tire of cutesy diddymen very quickly cos they cannot be taken serious! i'm not sure they can be described as real humans SORRY GUYS. if i was a cutesy diddyman i would scowl at everyone all day long in case they thought i was anything but a murdering fuck!
lil missy: this is what i have to say about the mcdonalds brothers: GAY. they actually turned my stomach!
leona - summertime
i'd hit it. i like her gawky early-mariah movements, they are very endearing. her voice is technically good but not sure it is likeable! but i'd hit it! simon just 'snogged' sharon, so she 'snogged' him back. it was quite fake.
lil missy: this is such a lovely song and she has such a good voice! her hair looks awesome, too. two very enthusiastic thumbs up. simon and sharon are grotesque. my tv is behind me, i can't see owt.
kerry - fuck knows
horrid voice. annoying ratty face. what's to like! kate thornton doesnt even lift her over her shoulder at the end of her performance and struggle to carry her across the auditorium, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF ANYTHING. oh but kate did pointedly just go, 'are you okay??' no kate, she's not okay, she can't bloody walk!
ashley - fuck knows pt2
ooh big haired ash fluffed his words! i think he could do something hot if he was given a vaguely new song to work with. can anyone tell me if there are plans to perform MODERN SONGS WHICH PEOPLE ACTUALLY KNOW in this series? i miss things like shayne doing "cry me a river". lil missy has buggered off now and i'm on autopilot!
robert - mr bojangles
frankly robert is a complete pussy. last week he went mental doing "try a lil tenderness" but after simon called him 'desperate' OUCH he toned it waaaay down when he had to perform it again. i hate that shit! did mop tell us to stick to our gunz for nothing??? he can sing though, is that good??
lil missy: ha ha when sharon said 'you're going to see another side of robert tonight', there was a silence and then someone in the audience sniggered. do you remember when gareth gates did this song? he ruined it forever for me. it was really bad. i mean, the song kind of sucks anyway. oh yeah and robbie fucked it up, too! his wife was on itv2 the other day with their kids... they're really in love! therefore i hate them both
eton rd - mack the knife
they are probably already one of the greatest boy bands ever: three scouse anyones and a brian molko androgyne who stands a short distance away from the other three to emphasize that he is the weird different one! AMAZING IDEA. however i paid no attention to what they just did sorry.
lil missy: the brett anderson one has de-emoed his hair! i can see his forehead! they are all very cute and i hope they win and get famous and play at brighton pier next year!
16.10.06
if we were a rich blog
if we were a rich blog
na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaa. erm well we'd start by paying gyptian $375 to say 'these are some spizzazzzist times'
na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaa. erm well we'd start by paying gyptian $375 to say 'these are some spizzazzzist times'
11.10.06
yummy bingham - one more chance
yummy bingham - one more chance
i am feeling yummy's awesomely ambivalent argument for getting back together: 'crazy days and selfish ways / are what we live through / and i'll only share them with you' ...so. not gonna change then eh?? there are perhaps no easy days with her but the wonder of this song is yummy's plea for acceptance and thuddishly dinky beat are so charming that i totally would give her about eighty four more chances.
i am feeling yummy's awesomely ambivalent argument for getting back together: 'crazy days and selfish ways / are what we live through / and i'll only share them with you' ...so. not gonna change then eh?? there are perhaps no easy days with her but the wonder of this song is yummy's plea for acceptance and thuddishly dinky beat are so charming that i totally would give her about eighty four more chances.
9.10.06
late night futuresex love songs
late night futuresex love songs
hello radio producer readers! we had a idea: commercial radio's late night love songs format, in which love songs are played late at night, could probably be applied more specifically to a urban audience. with mostly new songs. by some station or other. it would work basically cos there is a lot of good soft-ish music around at the moment! with an inclusive attitude it would also counter soft-ish music being shouted down by blaring club juggernauts rap/dancehall/d&b. so the content would break down like this
rnb/nu soul balladism would obv provide the meat and potatoes. should be approached with populist's ear, but go deep too. like wot dj b does. there are a lot of euro balladists listening online waiting to call a dj on his wackness. better disable all email. allow request half hour so "knockin the boots" gets played every night. could be playing, you know, avant/nicole - "lie to me" or ciara - "promise" at the moment
one drop/nu roots reggae stuff like nanko's "lucky you", where people are sad or in love. remakes and rmxs of rnb songs. perhaps avoid gross songs about promiscuous women going to hell but whatever its all good
post-wifey sad rng cos britain's ama-teur divas are recording one million similar songs in flukes's bedroom right now. (shola looks astonishing in that pic btw, like she was kidnapped by radio 1 after blearily opening the back door to collect her semi skimmed. the bastards! and as rtc once pointed out, if she married shola ameobi they would both be called shola ameobi) (and if sadie married paul o'grady...)
assorted broke beat/soulful house/deviation type music patronising it may well sound, but this type of music would sound awesome in a lnls context. sometimes its about love. sometimes its about THE MUSIC ITSELF. or a combination of the two, like that song "dont stop the music" by bugz in the attic. in fact i asked the guys from bugz what they thought, and they told me 'we dont just break beats, we break hearts too... and your face motherfucker!' i was bundled to the ground and set upon. you're in guys!
so. plz put it on 11pm-1am monday-thursday, get some non-div to present it, and we promise to listen.
hello radio producer readers! we had a idea: commercial radio's late night love songs format, in which love songs are played late at night, could probably be applied more specifically to a urban audience. with mostly new songs. by some station or other. it would work basically cos there is a lot of good soft-ish music around at the moment! with an inclusive attitude it would also counter soft-ish music being shouted down by blaring club juggernauts rap/dancehall/d&b. so the content would break down like this
rnb/nu soul balladism would obv provide the meat and potatoes. should be approached with populist's ear, but go deep too. like wot dj b does. there are a lot of euro balladists listening online waiting to call a dj on his wackness. better disable all email. allow request half hour so "knockin the boots" gets played every night. could be playing, you know, avant/nicole - "lie to me" or ciara - "promise" at the moment
one drop/nu roots reggae stuff like nanko's "lucky you", where people are sad or in love. remakes and rmxs of rnb songs. perhaps avoid gross songs about promiscuous women going to hell but whatever its all good
post-wifey sad rng cos britain's ama-teur divas are recording one million similar songs in flukes's bedroom right now. (shola looks astonishing in that pic btw, like she was kidnapped by radio 1 after blearily opening the back door to collect her semi skimmed. the bastards! and as rtc once pointed out, if she married shola ameobi they would both be called shola ameobi) (and if sadie married paul o'grady...)
assorted broke beat/soulful house/deviation type music patronising it may well sound, but this type of music would sound awesome in a lnls context. sometimes its about love. sometimes its about THE MUSIC ITSELF. or a combination of the two, like that song "dont stop the music" by bugz in the attic. in fact i asked the guys from bugz what they thought, and they told me 'we dont just break beats, we break hearts too... and your face motherfucker!' i was bundled to the ground and set upon. you're in guys!
so. plz put it on 11pm-1am monday-thursday, get some non-div to present it, and we promise to listen.
4.10.06
soundbwoy entertainment - back in the day
soundbwoy entertainment - back in the day
you know what's great? when people only update their myspace if they want you to vote for them in the mobos! must be real busy in the studio. it is impossible to find fault with soundbwoy and his various singing entertainaz though, doggedly updating the achey breaky summer/winter jam type sound, kinda swerving when they threaten to hit an obv ukg signifier AND YET embracing the spirit more than anyone else possibly could in 06.
"back in the day" is as nimble and sweet as both big mixes of previous uktop40 scraper "never wanna say" but the ladysingers get more chance to shine, like they are looking for that killer counter cf next "too close" when anonymous lady goes 'step back ur dancing kinda close / feel a little poke coming throoo on yoooo' and we all go yeeaaahhh even though it is a bit gross! also "back in the day" doesnt have that div on it.
you know what's great? when people only update their myspace if they want you to vote for them in the mobos! must be real busy in the studio. it is impossible to find fault with soundbwoy and his various singing entertainaz though, doggedly updating the achey breaky summer/winter jam type sound, kinda swerving when they threaten to hit an obv ukg signifier AND YET embracing the spirit more than anyone else possibly could in 06.
"back in the day" is as nimble and sweet as both big mixes of previous uktop40 scraper "never wanna say" but the ladysingers get more chance to shine, like they are looking for that killer counter cf next "too close" when anonymous lady goes 'step back ur dancing kinda close / feel a little poke coming throoo on yoooo' and we all go yeeaaahhh even though it is a bit gross! also "back in the day" doesnt have that div on it.
3.10.06
what i saw today with my own two eyes
what i saw today with my own two eyes
the guy from black grass helping up an old man who had fallen over in the street. better go buy his records now eh!
(apologies for the prancehall-esque nature of this post, NEVER AGAIN)
the guy from black grass helping up an old man who had fallen over in the street. better go buy his records now eh!
(apologies for the prancehall-esque nature of this post, NEVER AGAIN)
27.9.06
westwood's new show
westwood's new show
as part of the in new music we trust strand. kinda weird but aight! news about the jay-z album, played out bangaz chart, reggae chart with goldfinger (er what the chart is based on is unclear but at least goldfinger admits "ghetto story" is new to precisely nobody), old badboy freestyle session, and... a rundmc primer.
ok so that last part seemed like satire, and i thought, didnt r1 spend the last ten years grimly eradicating the need to introduce entire genres over and over again to the hairy cornflake audience. but er it is freshaz week, and it gives westwood a chance to mine the archives for interview gems (here's rundmc defending the "its like that" j nevins rmx, its cute), so maybe next week he'll do a krs one primer and we can hear that show when he called westwood a div and they had a massive row!
overall it seems that r1 weeknights are turning very 6music, a throwback to when new music was gently cushioned between familiar songs we can all agree on, with precisely that obnoxious attitude informing everything - colin murray's show is spectacularly corny cosiness with jokes and promises never to play "hey ya" immediately followed by playing that killers 'i got soul but i'm not a soldier' song as if that was somehow less exposed?! doesn't seem like they trust new music that much.
as part of the in new music we trust strand. kinda weird but aight! news about the jay-z album, played out bangaz chart, reggae chart with goldfinger (er what the chart is based on is unclear but at least goldfinger admits "ghetto story" is new to precisely nobody), old badboy freestyle session, and... a rundmc primer.
ok so that last part seemed like satire, and i thought, didnt r1 spend the last ten years grimly eradicating the need to introduce entire genres over and over again to the hairy cornflake audience. but er it is freshaz week, and it gives westwood a chance to mine the archives for interview gems (here's rundmc defending the "its like that" j nevins rmx, its cute), so maybe next week he'll do a krs one primer and we can hear that show when he called westwood a div and they had a massive row!
overall it seems that r1 weeknights are turning very 6music, a throwback to when new music was gently cushioned between familiar songs we can all agree on, with precisely that obnoxious attitude informing everything - colin murray's show is spectacularly corny cosiness with jokes and promises never to play "hey ya" immediately followed by playing that killers 'i got soul but i'm not a soldier' song as if that was somehow less exposed?! doesn't seem like they trust new music that much.
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